Fall cleaning

20 Oct, 2025

I have a lot of trouble getting rid of items with any sentimental meaning. I'm not talking about cherished gifts or favourite childhood toys -- I mean anything that has the potential to remind me of any past event. Just a few days ago, I decided to hang on to a paper nametag from a random networking event. It's sitting on my desk now, to remind me of... my name, I guess? And yet, I can't bring myself to throw it away. The trinkets pile up, a scrap of paper here, a business card there, and every time I decide to tidy my place, I end up shoving all of these small mementos into increasingly bigger boxes, destined to be forgotten until the next big clean.

As with every other issue in my life, I asked my favourite LLM¹ what to do about this tendency to hoard insignificant items. It gave me some unexpectedly good advice: write down what the object means to you, take some pictures, and give it away. I thought it might be fun to publish these small notes in hopes that I can inspire somebody else to do the same. (Also it's nice to write about nothing in particular, I don't want this blog to feel so self-important. Eventually I'll write about present-day stuff but not today!)

An ocarina

I got this at the Ex (a huge annual fair in Toronto) back when I was playing the video game Ocarina of Time. That was probably the most peaceful time of my life, grade eight, leaning back until the back of my chair hit the wall in a perfect equilibrium and playing games on my friend's 3DS. On the weekends my family and I would go on various outings, and the Ex has been one of our annual favourites for a long, long time. This year I couldn't make it but I'll be back for more. Life got busy after grade eight (as one might expect) and hasn't slowed down -- and good! there's still a lot that I want to do. By making time for achieving my personal goals, I can bring a more attentive and spiritually generous self to my family and friends when we do spend time together, which we often do, which reminds me that I've been very lucky in life (knock on wood).

Playing this ocarina is nowhere on my bucket list though. Either ocarinas sound way better in Zelda's universe, or this one is just a showpiece. It's even shriller than your average grade-school recorder, and the 5 or so notes you can play are slightly out of tune with each other.

A Mama Lam's sticker

I've bought too much random crap at the NYC holiday markets, but there were two shops that were actually worth visiting. Mama Lam's was one of them. (Not sponsored I promise!!) They sell amazing Malaysian curry pastes and chili oils and they're family owned which I can personally confirm -- Mama Lam's own son-in-law sold me some curry once.

I lived in NYC for three whole years before moving on.² During that time, I tried lots of activities to really feel the "magic" of the city, including the winter markets. One day I thought I'd do all my holiday shopping at the Midtown markets. It was cute at first, the novelty socks, quirky magnets, knick-knacks from Southeast Asia, tastefully scented candles, Turkish lamps, chocolate sets, puzzles, and so on. Then I would turn to the next aisle and find the exact same types of shops. All three markets I visited that day were the same, brightly-lit fractal mazes of trinkets from which there was no escape. Mama Lam's was my saving grace and I oh-so-generously gifted a boxed set to my boyfriend who used it to cook all of our meals for the next three months.

The best winter markets are in Toronto, but the best NYC winter market I've been to was a Japanese market in Soho. They sold this hearty winter soup for $5 and I also found tasty homemade vegan chocolates from a chocolatier who was just getting started. She was out of my preferred flavour at the market and I was flying out the next day -- so she personally delivered a fresh batch to me just in time for my flight. (Quintessential New Yorker, both insanely ambitious and kind.) I forgot the name of the market and the chocolatier and couldn't find them anywhere online, so there's a strong likelihood that I daydreamed of it while in a feverish daze at the Bryant Park market.

A branded beer cozy

_{(Cozy censored for privacy.)}

This cozy is branded with the logo and slogan of my old team from an internship at a large tech company. The path not taken... I could have stayed on for a more stable, well-paying career path if I hadn't switched to my current role at a startup. My team members were empathetic and well-balanced and our team lead was very forgiving with deadlines, although the tasks were mostly drudge work. My current role is fulfilling and intellectually challenging, but the lows hit harder and our clients decide the deadlines for us. I don't regret my choice but sometimes I wonder what kind of life my alternate, safe-decision-self would be living. Then again, I probably wouldn't even be friends with that version of me.

How clean is my apartment now?

Not even close to tidy! It's okay, at least I managed to get rid of three things. I really enjoyed this exercise, special thanks to AI for making me feel a little more human for once.